Traditionally a bar was a place you went to relax and be yourself.

Now welcome to The Lamp, a bar with a difference, a bar where you can relax and be anything you want to be - except out!

Script Excerpt...

Louis

Alright, you ready?

Zach

Why not.

Louis

Okay, be careful now, uh.

Zach

Here goes nothing.

Damn that's nasty! Where'd you find this stuff?

Louis

It ain't easy believe me. For wish juice like this you've got to go out on a limb.

Louis suddenly yelps and curses at the floor.

Aagh! For Chrissakes, what did I say?

Hurrying Zach along.

Come on, what's it going to be, uh?

Zach

I don't know, I can't think of anything.

Martha

Come on Zach, something you've wanted since you were a child.

Zach

Since I was a child...Okay, how about X-ray vision? Can I wish for that?

Louis

If that's what does it for you.

Zach

Alright then.

He drains his shot glass.

I wish I had X-ray vision.

The cocksure smile slowly melts from Zach's face.

Mickey

Well say something then!

Zach

Unbelievable...

Mick, remember when you and Bill were playing police chase in Norwood Park and you broke your arm?

Mickey

Yeah.

Zach

Smiling.

It's healed real nice.

And Josh, you broke your arm too, right, and quite recently by the looks of things and Arthur, your pocket watch has stopped...and you, you've got your blouse tucked into your underwear. And - Oh my god! Who let the guy with the plastic explosives in here!

Everyone screams and ducks. Zach starts to laugh.

It's a joke everybody - X-ray vision humour.

This is great!

Louis

I tell you, If I could sell what you got in bottles...

Bill, you're up.

Bill

Clear a path fellas.

Bill springs up to the bar. Zach has to hide his eyes.

Zach

Try not to jiggle when you run, Bill.

Bill is cheered up to the counter and given his drink which he quickly swallows.

Bill

Mmmm, it's like cinnamon.

Louis

What's your wish then, Bill?

Bill

Mr Louis, I wish I spoke French!

Silence falls over the bar.

Mickey

Go on then Bill, say something.

Bill

Que veut tu que je dise?

The room erupts with pleasure.

Sacre bleu, c'est pas possible, je parle francais!

Louis nods his approval.

Louis

Not a bad wish, eh people. Accent's a little ropey, but all in all not too bad a wish.

Mickey

Guess it's me up next. How's it feel bro?

Bill

Ce n'est pas deplaisant - et la boisson est buvable.

Zach

And in English?

Bill

Mais, je parle en Anglais

Mickey

Bill?